i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
where are my eyebrows?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
