What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize