I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
