It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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