I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
