did you get engaged???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
