Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
