Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
