this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
