it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
