I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...