it wasn't lemon gatorade
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.