turn off your phone and go to bed
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag