Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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