Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.