She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...