I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.