so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
