my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
