I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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