We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
