Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
