sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
