Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
