so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
