Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
