..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
