Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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