my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
