you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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