Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I just sharted jello shots
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