The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
