Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
