Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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