I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
