i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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