I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
