no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
