Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
