why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
