Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
