Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
