Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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