do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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