bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
