This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
