I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
