I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
