Say something about gay babies.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
