Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
