and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
