i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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