i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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