I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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