i would punch a child for taco bell
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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