I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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