VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
