I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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