I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
