I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
