fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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