but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
