im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
