So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
