You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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