Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
