he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize