I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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