you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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