The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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