Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
