capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
