she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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